Names for the Sake of Having Names
by Bad Wolf and Timelords
Summary: Post Battle of New York. Tony being Tony starts asking questions, leading to a tale from a God and pet names.


"So, shawarma, never again after nearly dying." Tony groaned as he rubbed his stomach, reclining back in the leather chair he sat in as he put his feet up on the table in front of him. Around the table sat the rest of the Avengers, scrubbed clean after they had been released from the interrogation of Director Fury and the clutches of the doctors on the SHIELD base they were to remain on as they rested on doctor's orders. Everyone ignored him, each deep in their own thoughts. Tony looked around the room, exasperated as no one paid him heed. Steve was rapping his knuckles softly against the table, while Banner had his glasses in his hands, toying with the wire frames. Romanoff sat glaring at the center of the table, absentmindedly straightening the black cuffs she had hidden under her jacket sleeves while Barton beside her polishing his arrow tips before putting them in his quiver. Across from him, Thor smacked his hammer against the palm of his hand periodically, staring at the floor as he did so.

Coughing into his hand, Tony eyed the Asgardian before speaking. "So… your hammer," he began, catching the attention of the god across from him. "You got a name for it?" He asked.

Thor studied Tony before looking to his hammer. "It is called Mjolnir." He said, his deep voice bathing the room. "It was forged in the heart of a dying star, and was given to me by my father when I proved myself worthy of it."

"Uhhh huh" Tony dragged out, looking at Mjolnir before looking to Steve. "What about you? Got a name for that shield of yours?"

Steve looked oddly at Tony before looking to his shield, then back to Tony again. "What do you mean?" He asked in confusion.

"You know," Tony said. "Do you have a name for that thing of yours? Thor has Mjolnir, I've got the Iron Man suit, Romanoff has her widow bites; we all have names for our weapons, do you have a name for yours?" He asked again, gesturing to each item in turn as he spoke, trying to make a point.

"What's the point?" Steve asked as he continued to look at Stark oddly, much like the other Avengers members as they listened to Tony's rambling.

"That's the point, there is no point." Tony said, leaning forward in his seat and across the table to face Steve. "It's just something to refer to your stuff as; they're pet names, they're names simply for the point of having names." He tried to explain, the Captain finally nodding after a moment of silence. "So, what do you got?"

Unfortunately for Tony, Steve simply shook his head. "Nothing."

Tony stared at the blonde man in disbelief before rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation, swiveling his chair around to swing his legs off the table. "Okay, fine." He conceded. "We'll find one then." At those words, almost all the Avengers rolled their eyes. "What about Susan? Elizabeth? Margret?" He tried, earning stranger and stranger looks with each suggested name. "Or what about Peggy?" Tony added, a suggestive look on his face.

At the name Peggy Steve's head snapped up, a look on his face so dark Tony flinched. "What?" He asked. "I've read your file, she was friends with my Dad; I think you're forgetting that." Tony was silenced though as Steve's frown only got deeper and darker, swallowing nervously before swiveling his chair around to face Barton. "So what about you, Legolas? Got a name for your bow? Katniss? Merida?"

Barton looked at Stark incredulously. "Really?" Was all he asked.

Tony was getting so many strange looks in various tones thrown his way he was sweating. He met each look for a moment before gripping the arms of his chair then standing up. "Okay, fine. You guys win, I'm going to go find something SHIELD could try to sue or kill me for." He said before making his way to the door. In the doorway he paused, looking back and shuddering at the stares that followed him before leaving the room.

It was quiet for a moment after Stark left the room before Natasha turned to Clint with a coy smile.

"You do have a name for your bow, don't you?" She asked slyly.

Barton looked at her with mock hurt. "Hey, don't mock me." He defended himself.

Steve looked at Clint in surprise. "Really?"

"What is this name?" Thor asked, a subtle sparkle of interest in his eye.

"Her name's Gretel." Barton said proudly, stroking the strong black metal of his bow.

Suddenly, there was a loud laugh that sounded outside the door, making everyone jump, their weapons in their hands and pointed to the door. In swaggered Tony, laughing so hard he was crying. "Gretel? You named your bow Gretel?" He managed to get out as he continued laughing.

Everyone relaxed, their weapons lowered while Barton stared at Stark in confusion. "How did you…" he started to say before trailing off, remembering how Tony had gripped the arm rests of his chair before he had left the room. "Why you son of a-" he shouted, lunging at Tony, chasing the inventor from the room.


End file.
